It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
