Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
