Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
