I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
