Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
