Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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