My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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