I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We need to rekindle our bromance
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
