his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
