You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
