either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...