I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
