so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
