the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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