I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
