Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date