you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in