my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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