3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
