yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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