my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i out mim tonsoeep
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
