I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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