You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry about my life...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
