Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
