oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
