Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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