she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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