Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
