My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
