the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
