I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
