So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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