HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
