just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
