Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
