I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
