she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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