remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
