I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
