You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
