after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize