ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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