I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
