Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
