After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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