Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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