yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love having hate sex.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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