nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
