I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
