What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
