walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
