question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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