go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
