I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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