It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
