i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
