It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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