She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
