This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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