she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
