I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did i walk over a car last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
