Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
