We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
