The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men