I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?