loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?