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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife