Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
