I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.