bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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