Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
