I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
