So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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