I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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