So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Alive.
So much puke
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
