hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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